you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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