Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
