Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
