Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
