three words: i give head
three words: not that well
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
