Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
where am i from again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
