So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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