If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
