those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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