It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
