Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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