I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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