I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
