so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
