part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
