seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
