I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize