You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
