some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
