bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
