My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
