Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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