Moan for me like Helen Keller
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
