She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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