Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
