I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
