great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
