As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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