Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
