I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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