I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
