That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
