I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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