I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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