Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
