ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
