Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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