Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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