I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
