I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
