Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
