we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
