Do vagina's smell?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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