so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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