I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
