he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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