there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
