Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
