Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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