why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
