help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
