I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
