Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
