Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
