Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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