My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
