there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
