I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
