Are we in a gay sports bar?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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