Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize