I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
