I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
