Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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