we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
