She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
