Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
