i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
