is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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