Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
