my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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