Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize