when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're a waste of cheezeits
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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