he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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