last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
