We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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