my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
