it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
