i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
