Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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