remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
nutella sex= disaster
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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