pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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